Two Hundred and Ten

girl.
power.

[don't underestimate it.]

I found this article online a while ago:
...

I’ve never been overly fond of women, in general. I’m a traitor to my gender. Always have been. I’ve never liked the way women are so emotional, holding onto negativity and allowing this to steer their decisions and behaviours. The pack mentality scares the shit out of me too. Oh and the way women are so vain! I know I have a narcissistic blog of self appreciation but I reserve the right to hate women who are obsessed with themselves. I’m a simple creature. Men, are simple creatures. This is why I have always chosen to spend all my time with men. Until very recently. Allow me to explain.

I went to an all girls high school where you were lucky to make it through the day without being publicly humiliated or backstabbed by the throngs of uniformed bitches that you were forced to spend every week day with. Even if, like me, you tried to remove yourself from the cesspool of crap you were somehow sucked in. I think this oestrogen overload is what originally fueled my distaste of women. From graduation point onwards I chose to spend my time with men and counted that most of my meaningful relationships were with males.

At the ripe old age of 26 I’ve realised that I have some incredible women in my life. I’ve also realised that I NEED them in my life. Here is why I need them…

Women are psychic
I’m constantly amazed by my ladies who seem to feel when I need them. Sending me an encouraging text when I’m having a hard day or showing up at my front door with wine and cheese when I’m feeling lonely. The emotional part of women that used to repel me is indeed becoming one of the qualities that I most admire in my closest lady friends. Men won’t know how you feel unless you tell them… or you start crying.

Women say what you need to hear, not what you should be hearing. And sometimes they do the opposite.
Men are straight shooters. Women will throw a perfect curve ball right when you need it. Sometimes you need someone to agree that your life has hit rock bottom. Sometimes you need to be told that you’re being a freaking princess. Women know when to soothe and they know when to scold… and they know that both should be accompanied by a good red wine.

Women touch
I’m a very touchy person. For around 5 minutes. Then I get awkward. Occasionally, I need to be forced into touching. Women know when you need to be held, even if you try to push them away. Women know that sometimes, no means yes.

Women nurture
When you live away from your man and your mum there is nothing more wonderful than having a woman cook you dinner, make you tea, lend you her ugg boots and cover you with a blanket when you fall asleep on her couch.

Women talk
And talk. And talk. I love that I can revisit the same conversation again and again and still find new things to add. Men want to discuss it once and preferably, never again.

Women remember
Everything. The name of the guy that you kissed in a club three years ago, your birthday, your favourite chocolate. You’re lucky if men remember your last name half the time.

Women saturate you with love
When a woman loves you , she LOVES you. The adoration that can come from one woman, aimed at another is so warm and genuine and rare. It’s all encompassing and will make you wonder why you ever thought you needed a man.

Women are warriors
Women are fierce. Women are tribal. If one of the tribe is wounded, no mercy will be shown. I must mention my dear friend Gina at this point. When I was 19 I had a spectacular and rather nasty break up where I remained in contact with the man in question. All other friends were perfunctorily polite to said man after the break up. Not Gina. Said man approached us one day and after man and I exchanged niceties he asked Gina how she was. Her reply? ‘Fuck off!’. Perfect.

Women are intelligent
Women see, women feel and women are thoughtful. Women will make you look at a problem from a different angle and will support the softer voice in the argument.

Women are loyal
Women forgive. Women can make colossal mistakes. We all do it. Thankfully we have the grace to forgive… and not forget. So we can remind each other next time when one of us messes up.
********************************************
say my name say my name, you actin' kinda shady aint callin me baby, better say my na-a-ame.

Two Hundred and Nine

NO. I deserve better. This is crazy.
Ha, you didn't even have a chance to respond before I was making obvious realizations. I've programmed you into my conscience. But whatever you would've said, I'm sure you would've been right.


This is life ^
Life has its ups and downs,
But the important overall movement
is always
UP.

Two Hundred and Eight

Now this is what normal looks like.



And hopefully, Sarah and I will have time to talk over lunch today.
I wish people weren't so busy.
My dreams from last night keep popping up like memories and I'm having a difficult time keeping fact from fiction.
We'll see how long it takes me to find this balance I know is out there.
But I still love you.

**********************************************************************************

What have I done?
effff.

Two Hundred and Seven

bawdy
carnal
crude
indecent
lascivious
lewd
libidinous
obscene
prurient
randy
raunchy
raw
rough
sensual
smutty
suggestive
tawdry
unchaste
vulgar
wanton

*****************************************
This is all your fault. Thanks guys.

Two Hundred and Six

TO DO:

• Internship application
• Statefarm Safe Driver Documentation
• Residual work (buy suitcase/shackle)
• Visit PH
• Steal clay
• Bring Altered Book
• Clean room
• Read THE MOTHER FUCKING BIBLE for Philosophy
• Buy books for class

wowowow

great fun.

***********************************************************************

FULL STEAM AHEAD.

oh, but i'd like to take this opportunity to say that: my residual art piece is going to be so great in its moments of suffering and torture, i've really put off buying books so now i'm forced to express mail from amazon, and this akon song's misogyny somehow is demeaned by its undercurrent beats.

i can't believe i buy this cheap remastered tunage of our overly sexualized society.

Two Hundred and Five

PETER:

• my new foundations class for the next 4 and a half weeks is "performing art"
• my teacher, brett reif calls our class vegas, because what happens in vegas, stays in vegas
• he also happens to be married to this hot hot hottie by the name of MARA GIBSON
• and because my memory is so fantastic, i remembered her face from the carnival of the animals
• AND so, i hinted at being there with my friend peter
• "YOU KNOW PETER SHIN?"
• "YOU KNOW PETER SHIN?" (like i was surprised)
• and i was right. she's your music teacher.

**********************************

But in all seriousness. Our first residual piece is due Monday, for which I have a growing number of ideas. I need to look into reading music for real. Philosophy is in an hour. The Book Thief will probably never be finished. People liked my 24 documentation today. I love you very much. I need to buy a book for art history so I can read our first assignment before tomorrow. Running on the treadmill, now that school is back in session, is proving most challenging. I really dislike all this inappropriate-ness, and by dislike I mean revel. I need to start bringing more sufficient amounts of food to eat between class ending at 11:50 and starting at 2:30; so I can make it home at 4:20 and not be about to chew my fingers off. One more veggie burger left in the freezer... And I miss my senior pals.

Two Hundred and Four

so
hungry
so
tired
so
much
to
do

and


and i'm caught in between.
*************************************************************************

Quotes of the day:
from teachers, no less.
"Now that's a threesome I'd be into!"
"There were definitely condoms filled with paint, and there was penetration."
"We wouldn't go over to the Nelson to watch me pull my pants down and hump a shuttlecock."
"I'm not sure if you guys would do that in public, but at least you would wait until you're in your car."

Two Hundred and Three

ALL I WANT TO DO IS PLAY ONE FEROCIOUS GAME OF TENNIS.

is that too much to ask?


these bitches are hard core.

Two Hundred and Two

First day back and it's off to a slow start, no surprise there...

Also. I feel like saying

There is an exception to every rule.

You think all is set
But change is always constant
Testing your ideals



hey nate, hey.
{again}

Two Hundred and One

Tu sembles chaud.

WHY, YOU DON'T LOOK TOO BAD YOURSELF!
; )

muy caliente.

Two Hundred

200
2

running two times two-day
two guests in my house
with two dogs
two kitties
two-wenty minutes till treadmill time
school is back in two days
*********************************************

One Hundred and Ninety Nine

This was on the radio today. WHO DOESN'T LOVE THE 90's?

[That counts as an Ordinary Ovation]

• A surprise Vegetarian Cookbook came from Amazon, Aunt Joyce is so thoughtful
• Boca Burnin' Love Burger from Red Robin
• Visited Sarah and listened to Brian do a radio broadcast
• Doug and Carol are over for the weekend
• Birthday embarassments
• Mario on Wii

One Hundred and Ninety Eight

higher
and higher
higher


<3

One Hundred and Ninety Seven

today was a great day.

[AND IT AINT OVER YET!]

: )

One Hundred and Ninety Six

TODOLIST:::::::

(this week)

• clean room/house
• clean car
• oil change/windshield wipers
• MAKE BIRTHDAY CAKE
• decorate cake
• finish painting
• visit ph
• read read read
• buy a tomato!
• laundry
• umkc outing?

i stumbled this today:

arg, still haven't read that...
**************************************************


SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT WITH ME
SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT WITH ME
SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT WITH ME
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?

One Hundred and Ninety Five

OK

there's less than a week left of break, i still haven't found a decent job opportunity, brian has pretty much gone off the deep end, running has become more of a chore than a goal, my PINKY HURTS LIKE A MOTHER, i haven't seen you in a MONTH, holli's parents are absolute beezies, sarah is feeling the weight, lizzy's in a fight with atul, my mom is insulting my extended family, i swear i was adopted, my sister is NOT going to graduate with her class, and i wanna buy a new nose ring but there aren't any cool ones around here.

BUT

i'm apparently the "eccentric/eclectic" one, my painting will be done before tomorrow is over, those yellow apples are like gold, my sampson is the best, my life as liz is a fantastic show, i'm going to read the rest of siddhartha AND the book thief BEFORE school starts again, the color purple AND a raisin in the sun were on tv today, martin luther king jr was a bamf, i've "slimmed down", no junk food here! (still), oneword.com, i've run everyday since december 30th, my hair looks pretty good even when i do almost nothing, paying it forward has never been so important, you make me feel like a million bucks, sarah and i are going to hang out and cross a few things off our list very soon.

SO
HEY
: )


oh ya.

********************************************

One Hundred and Ninety Four

WHAT AM I DOING TODAY!?

;;;;;;;;;;

everything has already happened this morning

oh, and thanks to oliver/petey pie/PETER SHIN for my orchestral mix cd. if only i had the track titles and composers!

[although i do know this one]


hey camomile lawn, hey.

One Hundred and Ninety Three

&

• english muffin
• scrambled eggs
• shrimp salad
• hot chocolate
• veggie burger

[oh ya.]

One Hundred and Ninety Two

Workout?
CHECK
Veggie Burger?
SOON
Gram's House?
LATER


It's Friiiiiidaaaaayyyy y'all!
: )


<3

One Hundred and Ninety One

'91

good year.
*************************************

I think a round of ORDINARY OVATIONS is in ORDER!

• Sarah Perry came over and did "homework" bahaha yeah right
• Grey's Anatomy episodes
• Painting is really coming along!
• Scrambled eggs, veggie burger for lunch, triscuits and port wine cheese-- NOMNOMNOM : )
• Thank you's are finished
• Diet peach mango green tea metabolism blend Crystal Light! (catchy name, eh?)
• And it was 40 degrees today! HEAT WAVE!
• Hard core workout

: )

***********************************************************

Also,

Can you hear that carefree, jazzy melody at :53? So good.

*************************************

I feel fan-freakin-tastic.

One Hundred and Ninety

i know this picture is small, but it says:

"MORNINGSTAR GARDEN
VEGGIE PATTIES [ARE GOD]"

nom. nom nom nom. nom nom. NOM. nom nom nom.

nom. nom nom nom. nom nom. NOM. nom nom nom.

nom. nom nom nom. nom nom. NOM. nom nom nom.

nom. nom nom nom. nom nom. NOM. nom nom nom.

nom. nom nom nom. nom nom. NOM. nom nom nom.

nom. nom nom nom. nom nom. NOM. nom nom nom.

nom. nom nom nom. nom nom. NOM. nom nom nom.

nom. nom nom nom. nom nom. NOM. nom nom nom.

[nom. nom nom nom. nom nom. NOM. nom nom nom.]

*********************************



fizzy.
sufjan stevens,
you make me
fizzy.

One Hundred and Eighty Nine

I feel like doing this:

this:

and a little of this:

but it's too cold : (

One Hundred and Eighty Eight

: )

-that is all-

One Hundred and Eighty Seven

dear whoever you are,
thanks for giving me some sort of talent.
college would have been a real bitch without art.
plus, you know, the whole "what are you doing with your life?" question isn't so stressed.
that's nice.
and it's not to say that i didn't work for what i've been given, because i have, but still.
you know. it's different.
i guess i can thank someone for the perseverance i have ingrained in myself.
it was probably someone from my childhood,
a role model or mentor no doubt.
so,
thanks,
whoever you were.

One Hundred and Eighty Six

So it's (or was, I suppose) 9:40 pm-- my cell goes off to get up and run on the treadmill, my dad just getting home, and my nap not having worked as well as I'd hoped.
UGHHHH...
Maybe I'll run twice tomorrow?
Or I could use today as one of the two break days?
My leg is still pretty sore... maybe I pulled a muscle.
Plus, I'll be running until 10:30, or if I wait longer it'll be practically 11!
UGHHHHHHHH!
...
then i got up, brushed my teeth to go back to sleep, sat on the edge of my bed thinking, and said screw it, i need to run.

{dear treadmill,
we are in a love-hate relationship. and although i'm here for you, everyday until i wimp out, the theory of you makes it nearly impossible to actualize you (despite your benefits).
love,
the only person who still uses you in this house}
**************************************************
let's jam like it's 1993. ; )

One Hundred and Eighty Five

headache. bleh.
i slept too much today.
damn, but i thought cutting out caffeine would have solved that.
arg.
hopefully tomorrow will be nice.
i want bk.
now.
ughhhh.
now, i shall paint
eat nothing more tonight
watch a movie
or read
and sleep so i am not tired
for the
andy warhol exhibit
tomorrow
******************************
ha, ok, this is an edit:
out of what i said i'd do i've:
stayed up until 2:32 am (and probably will be later than that)
watched It's Complicated online (exactly what i needed)
had some chips and salsa (so much for the no more eating thing)
and am just now going to paint a little (hopefully)

BUT HEY,
a little deviance isn't so bad when i've been running everyday, staying far away from soda, and got on the Dean's list.
i mean really. ; )

One Hundred and Eighty Four

It's been a long time since
ORDINARY OVATIONS!!!!

• bananananana bread with food coloring!
• Ravel's string quartet in f major
• Lord Garble (HAAA!)
• New Urban Outfitters catalog
• Increased time on the treadmill
• Painting is coming along
• Klimt is a God
• Andy Warhol exhibit Saturday
• Snuggling with Sampson
• I'm off the hook with the fuzz
• Bonding time with Sarah tomorrow
• AND, most importantly, I feel fantastical! : )

i think you should take a second to dance like a fool.
*****************************************************************************

i think it's finally starting to set in-- who i'm supposed to like is actually who i'm closest to and the people i should dislike are quickly fading from my good opinions.

{love}

One Hundred and Eighty Three

all of my days

how could you be missed when you're everywhere all the time?
exactly. : )

*********************************************************

I've given birth. Yes, I'm aware of how strange that sounds, but I have, in fact, given life to something, or perhaps someone new. You see, I had this dream last night. It was kind of funny and terrifying at the same time, but I'll tell you about it. It was so normal feeling that I didn't recognize it as a dream when I woke up, more as a distant memory, so it wasn't until hours later that I even considered it as indeed a figment of my imagination. Because of the time elapsed, the details have faded quite a bit-- the storyline and the characters were almost ghost-like by then. This is all I recall: I realize I'm pregnant, either someone asks me or I have a strange feeling and I just know, then I think someone points it out that I am clearly pregnant and I go on the defense trying to explain that it's not possible because I AM A VIRGIN. Then it seems the only reasonable explanation is that God himself must have done this. Shit.

[Enter DreamDictionary.com]

Virgin Mary
To see the Virgin Mary in your dream, signifies selfless love, compassion, spiritual harmony and ideal motherhood. Alternatively, the Virgin Mary represents a repressed fear of sexuality or difficulties in relationships.

[Enter TresSugar.com]

Actually, pregnancy dreams for women are pretty common, and they usually represent new beginnings, renewed connections with others, changes in your life or career, or something in the future you're looking forward to. Being pregnant in your dream is usually a positive thing, and indicates that you're growing in your life or in a relationship. It can also be a symbol for how you're blossoming creatively or spiritually.

it's because i've been painting isn't it? because i've had kiddos on the brain. because i've felt a strange new inner calm lately.

i'm sure of it.

One Hundred and Eighty Two

so lately
it's been...

• stay up till 5 am
• wake up at 2 pm
• eat something breakfast-y
• do something to get ready for whatever i'm doing that day
• eat something that isn't considered junk food
• run on the treadmill
• shower
• kill time until i'm tired with computer, movies, and creative investigation

[i'm painting too]

*********************************************************

Goodnight,

One Hundred and Eighty One

Your creativity seems like it has been juiced
Keep creating
Eat lots of food and create! Find your muse!
Be inspired, be fearless, get BUSY!!
Let's get inspired tomorrow!

One Hundred and Eighty

TELL ME
HOW,
HOW IS
IT
POSSIBLE
THAT ONE PERSON
COULD
EVER
DO
SO MUCH
IN A
SINGLE
DAY.

it is not human.

One Hundred and Seventy Nine

One of the best entertainers of all time.

Comprenez?

One Hundred and Seventy Eight

Watch these:



Buy these:

One Hundred and Seventy Seven

2010:

All A's at KCAI
Choose my major
Run everyday
No more pop
No more processed snacking
Move out
Find a job
Save money
Learn to cook
Own plants