Three Hundred and Seventy

LE VIN DE LA VIE

merci,
beau

adieu, ma chere.


je te manque. je suis triste un peu.

Three Hundred and Sixty Nine

People are on loan to us.
Life.
Life is on loan to us.

You always pay it back.



it's only fair.

Three Hundred and Sixty Eight

Aries
Having clarity about your relationship goals is a good thing, unless your needs are at odds with what is expected of you. It's challenging to find common ground in this particular conflict because your obligations can make it difficult to follow your heart. Don't give up by denying your feelings; you'll have more choices if you express your truth instead of trying to avoid it.

Don't I know it.

i feel like this a lot.

Three Hundred and Sixty Seven

I THINK YOU ARE BEING A JERK.
not that you are a jerk, but right now, just in this instance, i hate you.

you're as cold as ice to me.

Three Hundred and Sixty Six

Goodnight

So it's 12:39 in the morning, this is officially the last day of the fall semester of my sophomore year. I have this track that I just bought playing from my iPhone. It's just sound-- no lyrics. It's something you might imagine Discovery Channel using in the background of a documentary on the deep seas or the Milky Way. (This is the epitome of ambient music.) I love it because it makes me think about everything collectively. I love how we exist in the midst of all these systems and huge desolate spaces. I love how small it makes me feel. Can you believe how much is really out there? Outside of all our iPhones and final exams, marriages and careers? It is amazing. It's just as amazing to me that all of this matter has come to formulate us-- our minds and hearts and our capabilities to love and fear and everything else that is as equally exponential as the universe is vast. We are vast. And in the quiet of the night I feel paralyzed in my awe.



And all I can do is write to you.

***************

That is beautiful. You should keep track of these--like a nonfiction story of life:)

Hope your day is as thoughtful.

Three Hundred and Sixty Five

I LOVE HIM.

I LOVE HIM.

I LOVE HIM.

One time I looked at a diamond and it gave me a sunburn.

Three Hundred and Sixty Four

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so we can fly away
We gotta make a decision
We leave tonight or live and die this way

IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL THANKSGIVING.
THE MOST THANKFUL THANKSGIVING I'VE EVER HAD.
I MISS IT ALREADY.

je t'aime toujours.

Three Hundred and Sixty Three

deathscaresmealot

Three Hundred and Sixty Two

Quinn,
Thank you for being so adament about me taking this cat back to my apartment.
Love,
The Ultimate Spinster

>^-^<

Three Hundred and Sixty One

I MISS YOU.
I MISS YOU.
I MISS YOU.
I MISS YOU.
I MISS YOU.
I MISS YOU.
I MISS YOU.
I MISS YOU.
I MISS YOU.
I MISS YOU.
I MISS YOU.

Three Hundred and Sixty

(Alwaysalwaysalwaysalwaysalways.)

Oh, and, I finally:



*First time in three months I'd say*

Three Hundred and Fifty Nine

{won't you be my forever woman, try to be your forever man}

CLAPTONIZDAHSHIIIIIT.

oh hey there, caribou.

hehehe :3

Three Hundred and Fifty Eight

Baby you're a firework. C'mon show 'em what you're worth.

< 3

Three Hundred and Fifty Seven

Dear Powers that Be,
Please ensure that all the universe conspires to make Tasmania my home from July to November of next year.
Sincerely,
Your favorite Deist

Three Hundred and Fifty Six

PARIS IN JUNE

TASMANIA IN AUGUST?

DEAR GOD.
THE POSSIBILITIES!

Three Hundred and Fifty Five

So, here I am.

And here we are.

Tell me about the future. Just, describe it a little for me.

Three Hundred Fifty Four

-I'm known to keep diggin' on existence-

YOU GO JASON MRAZ

you're the best you're the best you're the best you're the best GOOD JOB!

oh but really, aside from The Dynamo of Volition, he is so so so goooood in Butterfly:



you don't fold, you don't fade, you've got everything you need especially me, sister you've got it all.
dayum.gimme.somma.dat.

**************************************************
OH ALSO.
I CALLED A TRUCE.
SOMEHOW I MANAGED THAT, I'M NOT SURE FROM WHERE I PULLED IT...
I THINK IT'S THE OTHER PROSPECTS THAT SEEM TO BE AIDING MY RECOVERY.
: 3

Three Hundred Fifty Three

Relationships are not guessing games.

God this is such a waste.

Also.




I had a hallucination last night in the midst of sleep/dreaming I "awoke" to the idea that mold was growing all over my ceiling and if I went back to sleep that I would breathe it in and die. So I sat at the edge of my bed and waited for a long time, staring up at the ceiling looking for it, but I finally went back to bed... very apprehensively... after I made some sort of rationalization that I'd made the whole thing up while sleeping.

Three Hundred and Fifty Two

HEY,
JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE AN IDIOT WHO CAN'T REMEMBER A DATE THAT YOU INTIATED, DOESN'T MEAN MY DAY HAS TO BE SHITTY.
[the cookie monster blows you out of the water]

Three Hundred and Fifty One

damn.
this.
funk.
is.
awful.

Three Hundred and Fifty

WE WILL ARGUE
AND WE WILL FIGHT
WE ARE JUST STUBBORN THAT WAY
but we'll always figure it out

Three Hundred and Forty Nine

DO NOT
MAKE ME
REGRET
THIS



i'm.serious.

Three Hundred and Forty Eight

I've
Never
Had
Such
A
Comforting
Absolute
Theoretical
Idea
Before
But
Now
That
It
Has
Been
Concieved
It
Will
Never

Death used to bother me until I realized it doesn't exist.

DIE.

Three Hundred and Forty Seven

I'm left wondering...

How long will this last?
****************************************************************************







?

Three Hundred and Forty Six

Twitterpated, eh?

Mmmm...
maybe.
***************************************************



feelin' so fly like a g6.

OH YEAH.
AND THIS.


GREAT SHIT FORREAL.

Three Hundred and Forty Five

Please,
Please don't leave me vulnerable.

or...


it could end up badly.


oh dear...

Three Hundred and Forty Four

THROW MY APPLES IF YOU GET TOO CLOSE TO ME.
haha, i love apples... mmm.

but seriously.

JUST GTFO.

tell me about it, jenny lewis, tell me about it.

Three Hundred and Forty Three

No.
NOPE.
no...pe...


But yeah, thank's Adrienne Rich.


“Desire: yes: the sudden knowledge like coming out of ‘flu, that the body is sexual. Walking in the streets with that knowledge. That evening in the plane from Pittsburg, fantasizing going to meet you. Walking through the airport blazing with energy and joy. But knowing all along that you were not the source of that energy and joy; you were a man, a stranger, a name, a voice on the telephone, a friend; this desire was mine, this energy my energy, it could be used a hundred ways, and gong to meet you could be one of them.”

this is me, not caring.

Three Hundred and Forty Two

WOW.
KEEP YOUR GODDAMN POT SMOKE TO YOURSELF.
ACTUALLY.
TO YOUR OWN CAR WHEN THERE AREN'T NON-SMOKING PASSENGERS.
WHEN YOU'RE NOT FUCKING DRIVING.
THREE HOURS TO OMAHA.
AND MAYBE A LITTLE WARNING OR PREFACE WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE.
SO.
INCONSIDERATE.
you disgust me.

Three Hundred and Forty One

this week's procession = sunday, sunday, tuesday, wednesday, friday, friday, saturday.

essentially two thirds of the week was weekend material and i'm still wiped.out. grawr.

oh wells. it was an interesting week all the same.

Three Hundred and Forty

[plz plz plz plz plz.]

ya? okieeee.




brrrrrrraooowww.

Three Hundred and Thirty Nine

I LIKE NEW STUFFZ.

• hair color
• thrift store finds
• shoes/boots
• projects
• ...and...

• ...new males

[oh ya.]

Three Hundred and Thirty Eight

First blood of the semester
*CHECK*
First burn of the semester
*CHECK*
First all-nighter of the semester...?
(we shall see.)




nothin' like feeling like a bad ass.

Three Hundred and Thirty Seven

Thank you, Hugo Ball! (freakin' hilarious)

************************************************

So I'm coming to new realizations every damn day. My brain is a bunch of scrambled eggs. Boo.

Three Hundred and Thirty Six

I'm.
Not in my mind.
At the moment.
Please leave.
A message.
At the sound.
Of my.
Snoring.

*zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*



oh hey there art history. didn't expect to see you here... hahaha, weird.

Three Hundred and Thirty Six

Dear last weekend of the summer,
Please be productive. Please slow down. Please give me a few more minutes to myself before school starts. Please have a decent temperature. Please be nice to everyone else. Please last forever.
Sincerely,
Alison, Alsih, Monet, Lilac, Yalison, Big Al, Alex, @



you blow me away.

Three Hundred and Thirty Five

• Mailbox registered with the post office-- CHECK
• Kitchen sink fixed-- CHECK
• Morning shift at Brownie Pops-- CHECK
• Brought Anna The Curious Case of Benjamin Button with the Away We Go CD inside-- CHECK
• Bought books for school-- CHECK
• Saw Quinn at KCAI-- CHECK
• Renewed ID card-- CHECK

Now all I have to do is:

• Dentist appointment tomorrow
• Work tonight
• Call Sarah Perry
• Go to the bank
• Get money from college fund
• Finish The Secret Life of Bees
• Run
• Get sushi on Sunday
• Get Rachel's bedroom stuff from Cummings
• Check out the stores and farmers market on 39th
• Organize living room STUFFZ
• Finish painting kitchen cabinets and sand them down
• Sew curtains and pillows
• Pick up trashcan, portfolio, and prints from parental houses

ya... no sweat...

SCHOOL STARTS MONDAY, FOOLZ

Three Hundred and Thirty Three

I wonder.
How much you've really taught me.

for good.

Three Hundred and Thirty Three

who knew a big red kansas city zoo baby rhino christmas sweater could be so... comfy?

comforting?

no, comfy.

i guess i'll wait until the hipster trend is to wear huge tacky things... at least if i want to wear it out.

bahahaha.

school starts the 23rd, this monday... holy hell...

Three Hundred and Thirty Two

DID YOU KNOW
my tickets are not just for stravinksy
they also have certain valuable qualities such as:

• hilary hahn on violin, like i said before
• ravel's valses nobles et sentimentales
• sibelius's violin concerto
• and this premier of some new piece which will be great, i'm sure of it

did you also know

that

orchestras were rockin' before rock bands ever existed?

no?

i didn't think so.

holy shite. see my point?

Three Hundred and Thirty One

is "john" like synonymous for musician or what?

:: today's count stands at: $50.00 earned, $50.00 of gifted groceries, two sweaters, an Eye Spy book, one plate, one bowl, six pots (the planting variety), one mixing spoon, two stove pots, a blue recycle-y shopping bag, jason's deli dinner of deliciousness, a potential win for a taker on my other Stravinsky ticket, the continuity of internet from the neighbors, and all the affection of the world's sweetest two year old:: all. free. Twas a good day.

Three Hundred and Thirty

SO GOOD.
Totally worth the 20 minutes.
WATCH NOW.

Three Hundred and Twenty Nine

Dave, you are so jazzy.

OH. ALSO. I'm going to make about 570 on this next paycheck. HOW CRAZY IS THAT?

Three Hundred and Twenty Eight

KC SYMPHONY'S STRAVINSKY WILL HAVE HILARY MUTHUHFUCKIN HAHN ON VIOLIN.

I AM LIVIN IN MY MUTHUHFUCKIN APARTMENT STEALIN SOME MUTHUHFUCKIN WIFI FROM THE NEIGHBORS.

I AM MUTHUHFUCKIN DIRT POOR AND SCHOOL STARTS THE 23RD.



but it is alllllll gud. : D




fuckin brilliant.

Three Hundred and Twenty Seven

HEY GUESS WHAT
moving out
is
thee
(yes, thee)
BEST WAY TO SPITE
YOUR PARENTS

Three Hundred and Twenty Six

THIS
IS
FUCKIN
GOOD
SHIT.



[OH MY GOD]
90's
R&B
IS
DA
SHIIIIIIIT.

Three Hundred and Twenty Five

You
and
Everyone
else

You
are
Intensely
great

You
make
Everything


right




love love love,
l.

Three Hundred and Twenty Four

Violet.tomorrow.
Blue.thursday.
Red.friday.

ugh. but i think all of this stuff is getting to me. lots of to-do's.
but saul williams will find the. . . . . . .space between
and simmer closely
putting my mind to rest
on transcendent ideas
are all we have
to sleep on


fucking. genius.

Three Hundred and Twenty Three

Half of me, today, is this:

and this:


...


but then my other half feels like:


*************************************
oh, and I bought this with Maddie today:


That makes the last three book-buyz: The Fact of a Doorframe, The Penguin Book of American Verse, and now, Said the Shotgun to the Head.

POETRY PURCHASES=

Three Hundred and Twenty Two

MERCREDI!
JEUDI!
VENDREDI!
VOUS VENEZ RAPIDEMENT?
S'IL VOUS PLAIT?



mmm. j'ai faim!

Three Hundred and Twenty One

Let's get a few things straight:

• I have no interest in vampires.
• I have no interest in anything to do with New Jersey.
• Oh, and as far as Inception goes, I have thought of that before.

but also

• If your life was a book I'd read it over and over.
• Let's have a partay with Maria B on Friday!
• And I got all my hours back at work finally! Monay monay monay MONAYYY.

MONAAAAYYYYYY.

Three Hundred and Twenty

DEVINES
COMBIEN
JE
T'AIME


A LA
LUNE
ET
RETOUR
bonne nuit, mon prince.
<3

Three Hundred and Nineteen

quite.
productive.
quite.

it's 1 in the morning, why stop here?

*back to reading*

Three Hundred and Eighteen

I think.
I.
Think it is time for a general list of Ordinary Ovations (2010 Edition)

• Finished Freshman year relatively successfully
• Got a part time job decorating delicious brownies
• Got my first teaching job
• Signed my first lease
• Started running weekly, and sometimes daily
• Managed to get past preconcieved ideas about what a cliche mom is
• Decided to join the Peace Corps after graduation
• Decided having a baby is actually... an option in the future
• Drove to St. Louis-- first road trip!
• And furthered or ended many friendships for the better

I believe this has been a good life-- a good year.

Now I'm off to start up my newest reading session. I will finish The Book Thief.
goodnight, love.

Three Hundred and Seventeen

Pfft.

I went off the deep end a long time ago.



i feel as though diving into the wreck is forcing me to
dive
into the wreck
but now
i feel like maybe i forgot my oxygen tank
it feels less like i'm diving
more like
i'm drowning

Three Hundred and Sixteen

Sometimes I just... can't sleep. My mind is absolutely filled with boundless possibilities and questions and with the wonderful and sometimes deflating invention of the internet; I can look up-- surf-- till my fingers are screaming with carpal tunnel. How did it get to be 12:41??

And other times my mind is just locked into one thing and I have to pick at every little detail, analyzing, until my brain is emotionally hemorrhaging and then... well...

and i
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
goodnight love.

Three Hundred and Fifteen

: )

studly studmuffin.

i can pull off babe, stud is gonna take some work.

hahaha.




not a purse person, but sometimes you make exceptions...

Three Hundred and Fourteen

"Hark close and still what I now whisper to you,
I love you, O you entirely possess me,
O that you and I escape from the rest and go utterly off, free and lawless,
Two hawks in the air, two fishes swimming in the sea not more lawless than we"

I still think you're great, Walt-y poo.

Wading in deeper
Testing the waters flowing
Then I’m swept away

Three Hundred and Thirteen

CAN I JUST CRY AND GET OVER ALL THIS?!
apparently not.


.....
...
......
............

wait- wait---
....
..

nope. nothin.

Three Hundred and Twelve

heeeey jilllllll!

• teacher buddies!
• juggling
• chinese food!
• moving out in just over two weeks
• crock pot! baha.

: )

**********************************

grawr. just listen to the guitar in the chorus!

Three Hundred and Eleven

wait a second...
why am i writing a new post again?
shit.




i'll remember later i guess...
*************************************************

Three Hundred and Ten

Oh you know, no sweat...


Alison,

We’d like to offer you a position as a Saturday School instructor. In August we will be having a mandatory, paid training/informational meeting for all instructors. I believe we will be able to offer several different options so that you can choose one that fits your schedule. In the meantime, as you think about your plans for class can you put together a supply list so that I can start pricing items. Letting me know supplies for a few months worth of classes would be much appreciated (that would be about six classes). Think about what we talked about in terms of how to structure the flow of classes. Let me know if you have any questions. We are excited to have you join us.

Amanda Vega
KIPP Endeavor Academy



EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
: D

Three Hundred and Nine

FIRST TEACHING JOB
AT NINETEEN?
[i hope so]

Three Hundred and Eight

OH.
SHITE.

i'm not sure how well this is going to go. but hey, maybe this will be something that really works for me.



lol.

Three Hundred and Seven

Oh you know, just making tables, sanding, and staining them...


WAHOOOOOO! : D

Three Hundred and Six

My thoughts separate,
Over the land, past the skies,
From my mind, to you

I am a mirage,
Dehydrated confusion,
And you think I’m real

Dear aged, future self,
Remember how I'm planning--
Now-- to be you then.



<3

Three Hundred and Five

80's music, you crazy.

the east end boyyys & west end gulllllls.

Three Hundred and Four

PLZ PLZ PLZ GIVE ME THIS [SECOND] JOB. I REALLY NEED NEED NEED IT.

oh, hey there ordinary ovations!

• pay.day.thx!
• compliments x3
• ADRIENNE RICH IS M1N3
• potential teaching gig
• finally installed the missing hook to my beautiful entryway mirror
• and bingo was... pretty fun, aside from major embarassments thanks to jiffer

so booyah. excellent day.

Three Hundred and Three

you. are.

the only exception.

**********************************

[i'm a very conflicted person.]

Three Hundred and Two

Farewell

• Family
• Two-year-old majesty
• Kitten-palooza
• Chilled nothingness
• Kansas

we have to appreciate the time we have with people.

Three Hundred and One

BENJAMIN BUTTON,
YOU RIP MY HEART OUT EVERY DAMN TIME.
SINCERELY,
THE SAPPIEST SAP WHO EVER LIVED



you've been on my mind

Three Hundred

300 behbeh. : )



but i digress,
i must confess,
you are
the best thing
in my life

Two Hundred and Ninety Nine

*LAST POST OF THE TWO HUNDREDS!*



Please accept my humblest compliment in the most tawdry way:

You the- you the best. You the best I ever had.

Two Hundred and Ninety Eight

OH YOU KNOW IT.

X D

no really.

X D

Two Hundred and Ninety Seven

So so so so WONDERFUL.

So so so so BEAUTIFUL.

So so so so so...

Two Hundred and Ninety Six

"We ran into Holli at Jose Peppers, she said you guys had a falling out, that you should text her or something. She seemed really sincere!"

OH, THAT'S RICH.

So, can you explain how deleting and then proceeding to block me on Facebook is SINCERE?

whatabitch.
********************************************************************
But really,

Today was a good day.

• EMAIL! :)
• Unicorn Pop!
• FRIDAY!
• Nelson tomorrow??
• Boythday Grrl <>

Two Hundred and Ninety Five

First paycheck. 230 for a week of work. Not too shabby.

I'm still thinking this week isn't going to be so great.

We'll seeee...
[ihopei'mwrong.]

Two Hundred and Ninety Four

Please, stop the

• vegetarian harassing
• bible thumping
• racial quipping

it's driving me nuts.

Two Hundred and Ninety Three

and i'm off to work...

Two Hundred and Ninety Two

booyah norwegians! almost as cool as the icelanders...

[sigur ros still pwns]

Two Hundred and Ninety One

a single whiff of

and i'm swept away.



goodnight moon.

Two Hundred and Ninety

field runnin'
fence climbin'
pool sneakin'
twas refreshin'

Two Hundred and Eighty Nine

'nuff said.
<3

Two Hundred and Eighty Eight

paintin' partay!

how did i end up working on three paintings instead of ONE?

oops.

HEY FUTON, BOOKSHELF, COFFEE TABLE, HEY.
hehe.

Two Hundred and Eighty Seven

tra la la la la
[ordinary ovations]

• job interview wednesday
• glass exhibit (again) after that
• baby sitting thursday! : D
• empty house to myself until monday
• tchaikovsky on friday
• peter's grad party saturday
• free symphony on sunday

yee!

song of the summer

Two Hundred and Eighty Six

YOICHI OHIRA
YOICHI OHIRA
YOICHI OHIRA
YOICHI OHIRA
YOICHI OHIRA
YOICHI OHIRA
YOICHI OHIRA
[is a god]



go see them at the nelson's bloch building RITE NOW FO FREE.
(one of the most interesting exhibits i've ever seen)

Two Hundred and Eighty Five

my bwain is fwied.

k.

*zzzzzzzzzzzz*

Two Hundred and Eighty Four

Sometimes I wish
____________________________________________
____________________________________________
____________________________________________
____________________________________________
____________________________________________
____________________________________________
____________________________________________
____________________________________________
____________________________________________
____________________________________________
____________________________________________
____________________________________________

you know?

i think i'm going to paint.
l'amour.

Two Hundred and Eighty Three

ZOMGOODNESS
(why thank you maria buszek, for the lovely picture frames for our apartment!)

hot damn. we're just about the best damn moochers i e'er saw.

heehee.

• two medium sized white picture frames
• one crown molding shelf
• twin bed frame
• desk
• chest of drawers
• book shelf
• two vases

[so far]

Two Hundred and Eighty Two

le sigh.
je suis balayé loin.


loin loin loin, avec tu.


it's an alexi murdoch kind of day. mmm.

Two Hundred and Eighty One

Bahaha, I'm normally SUCH a talented MOOCH...
but not today.
jk.

le sigh.

***************************************************************************

ONWARD WITH THE JOB HUNT!
**********************************

• latte land
• the grove
• subway
• chinatown market
• little big planet

hey guess what?
i love you guys < 3

Two Hundred and Eighty

OHHHYEAH.
: )


hey fav 5's. bahaha.

Two Hundred and Seventy Nine

You got it alllllll, sexy from the head to the toe.

You make me wanna say Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh myy GOSH.

***********************************************

HEY GRADUATES, HAYY.

Two Hundred and Seventy Eight

GREAT JAMMIN' SONG.

oh.

and i kinda was an idiot and lost my phone...
yay me.

Two Hundred and Seventy Seven

"At least we have the rest of the semester together! It's going to be magical." And it was. I liked the extra credit question too. Bahaha.

I try not to skimp on the magic. But it only works when it's coming in both directions! YAY 2010 FRESHIES!




*le sigh*

Two Hundred and Seventy Six

I wonder...

DOES HE REALLY HATE MY GUTS ALL OF A SUDDEN??
shit.
double shit.
shit shit shittt...

this is petty.

Two Hundred and Seventy Five

WALT WHITMAN
is.

• sexy
• a god
• and totally brilliant

unless you scue it into a hipster marketing tactic...

BUT HE IS STILL HOT.

Two Hundred and Seventy Four

BAD STUPID DISAPPOINTING DAMP DAY
shut up rain
shut up lynn
shut up brett
shut up brain

(i'm very articulate when i'm frustrated, as you can see)

Two Hundred and Seventy Three

READ READ READ
TO ME

MORE
READING

NOW
READ
NOW

go.

Two Hundred and Seventy Two

ORDINARY OVATIONS!!
(we're long overdue)

• madeline cass is COMING
• finalized the apartment yesterday
• got myself a new book... hehe Walt Whiman is a god
• I figure this means I get an A ; )
• more peeps seein the show today
• and we are SO having a dinner party, bahaha

love.

merci, b.

Two Hundred and Seventy One

"3 things you're thankful for, GO!"

ok.

• walt whitman's ballin' poetry
• maddie possibly coming for the final exhibition
• and all you guys and your super rad-ness!!

Two Hundred and Seventy

a tu, je promets, toujours toujours toujours.

Two Hundred and Sixty Nine

*le sigh*

a tiny fist around a finger
drifting off
silently
like a pool of water
its ebb and flow
of continuous life

Two Hundred and Sixty Eight

Tomorrow... is a busy day. But a good busy day.

Too bad I won't see Peter.

Two Hundred and Sixty Seven

Double entendres,
how dangerous you become,
In the studio.

-that is all-

Two Hundred and Sixty Six

So like... I realize I was only 3 or 4 but

MUSIC in 1994 and 1995 was priceless.
hilarious.

we're talking about
gin blossoms
lisa loeb
salt n' pepa
mariah carey
collective soul
sheryl crow!
melissa etheridge
beck
tlc
boys ii men

the most random collection of tunage on the radio.


oh 90's...

Two Hundred and Sixty Five

WHAT IF?

god, the last time i listened to this was when stacy decided to stop emailing me.

mega harshness, brah.

but this song is more apropos than ever, so who cares what it used to mean?

no but really

you belong with me

not swallowed in the sea

Two Hundred and Sixty Four

{gush.}

Two Hundred and Sixty Three

we are all going to die.
die
die
die.




die.



and this will have been
your life.
*************************************************

A word then, (for I will conquer it,)
The word final, superior to all,
Subtle, sent up--what is it?--I listen;
Are you whispering it, and have been all the time, you sea-waves?
Is that it from your liquid rims and wet sands?

Whereto answering, the sea,
Delaying not, hurrying not,
Whisper'd me through the night, and very plainly before daybreak,
Lisp'd to me the low and delicious word death,
And again death, death, death, death
Hissing melodious, neither like the bird nor like my arous'd child's heart,
But edging near as privately for me rustling at my feet,
Creeping thence steadily up to my ears and laving me softly all over,
Death, death, death, death, death.

-Whitman "Out of the Cradle Endlessly Rocking"

Two Hundred and Sixty Three

calm.
love.

Two Hundred and Sixty Two

>: )

bwahahahahahaaaa.

this is gonna be good.

Two Hundred and Sixty One

god.
yes.

NOW PLZ?

Two Hundred and Sixty

bonjourno bramasole.
siete bello.

now:
let me just learn *un po'* more italiano
buy the villa
and move
*********************************************************
I read this a while back, but after watching the U by Kotex commercials, I couldn't help but reread it.

If Men had Periods...
by Gloria Steinem

Since history was recorded, male human beings have built whole cultures around the idea that penis-envy is "natural" to women - though having such an unprotected organ might be said to make men more vulnerable, and the power to give birth makes womb-envy at least logical. In short, logic has nothing to do with it. What would happen, for instance, if suddenly, magically, men could menstruate and women could not? The answer is clear - menstruation would become an enviable, boast-worthy, masculine event:

•Men would brag about how long and how much.

•Boys would mark the onset of menses, that longed-for proof of manhood, with religious ritual and stag parties.

•The US Congress would fund a National Institute of Dysmenorrhea to help stamp out monthly discomforts.

•Sanitary supplies would be federally funded and free. (Of course, some men would still pay for the prestige of commercial brands such as John Wayne Tampons, Muhammed Ali's Rope-a-dope Pads, Joe Namath Jock Shields - "For Those Light Bachelor Days," and Robert "Baretta" Blake Maxi-Pads.)

•Military men, right-wing politicians, and religious fundamentalists would cite menstruation ("MENstruation") as proof that only men could serve in the army ("You have to give blood to take blood"), occupy political office ("Can women be aggresive without that steadfast cycle governed by the planet Mars?"), be priests and ministers ("how could a woman give her blood for our sins"), or rabbis ("Without the monthly loss of impurities, women remain unclean").

•Male radicals, left-wing politicians, and mystics, however, would insist that women are equal, just different; and that any woman could enter their ranks if only she were willing to self-inflict a major wound every month ("You must give blood for the revolution"), recognize the preeminence of menstrual issues, or subordinate her selfness to all men in their Cycle of Enlightenment.

•Street guys would brag ("I'm a three-pad man") or answer praise from a buddy (" Man, you are lookin' good") by giving fives and saying, "Yeah, man, I'm on the rag!"

•TV shows would treat the subject at length. ("Happy Days": Richie and Potsie try to convince Fonzie that he is still "The Fonz," though he has missed two periods in a row.)

•So would newspapers. (JUDGE CITES MONTHLY STRESS IN PARDONING RAPIST.)

•And movies. (Newman and Redford in "Blood Brothers"!)

•Men would convince women that intercourse was more pleasurable at "that time of the month." Lesbians would be said to fear blood and therefore life itself - though probably only because they needed a good menstruating man.

•Of course, male intellectuals would offer the most moral and logical arguements. How could a woman master any discipline that demanded a sense of time, space, mathematics, or measurement, for instance, without that in-built gift for measuring the cycles of the moon and planets - and thus for measuring anything at all? In the rarefied fields of philosophy and religion, could women compensate for missing the rhythm of the universe? Or for their lack of symbolic death-and-resurrection every month?

Two Hundred and Fifty Nine

I'm almost there
just
A bit more research

We're all sitting on home runs
you know

just *hold on*

oh-oh-oh-OH-ohh

Two Hundred and Fifty Eight

i seem
to make things difficult,
sometimes,
but the social repercussions
often outweigh
the decisions
i find the urge
to make

but i love you all the same.

Two Hundred and Fifty Seven

I would just like to say...

• you're not a pansy
• YOU are stunning, love
• you are saccharine sweet
• and you are so far from my mind, it isn't even funny

strange collections of folks linger in these recesses.

bonne nuit, lune.

Two Hundred and Fifty Six

I SING the Body electric;
The armies of those I love engirth me, and I engirth them;
They will not let me off till I go with them, respond to them,
And discorrupt them, and charge them full with the charge of the Soul.

Was it doubted that those who corrupt their own bodies conceal themselves;
And if those who defile the living are as bad as they who defile the dead?
And if the body does not do as much as the Soul?
And if the body were not the Soul, what is the Soul?

2

The love of the Body of man or woman balks account—the body itself balks account;
That of the male is perfect, and that of the female is perfect.

The expression of the face balks account;
But the expression of a well-made man appears not only in his face;
It is in his limbs and joints also, it is curiously in the joints of his hips and wrists;
It is in his walk, the carriage of his neck, the flex of his waist and knees—dress does not hide him;
The strong, sweet, supple quality he has, strikes through the cotton and flannel;
To see him pass conveys as much as the best poem, perhaps more;
You linger to see his back, and the back of his neck and shoulder-side.

The sprawl and fulness of babes, the bosoms and heads of women, the folds of their dress, their style as we pass in the street, the contour of their shape downwards,
The swimmer naked in the swimming-bath, seen as he swims through the transparent green-shine, or lies with his face up, and rolls silently to and fro in the heave of the water,
The bending forward and backward of rowers in row-boats—the horseman in his saddle,
Girls, mothers, house-keepers, in all their performances,
The group of laborers seated at noon-time with their open dinner-kettles, and their wives waiting,
The female soothing a child—the farmer’s daughter in the garden or cow-yard,
The young fellow hoeing corn—the sleigh-driver guiding his six horses through the crowd,
The wrestle of wrestlers, two apprentice-boys, quite grown, lusty, good-natured, native-born, out on the vacant lot at sundown, after work,
The coats and caps thrown down, the embrace of love and resistance,
The upper-hold and the under-hold, the hair rumpled over and blinding the eyes;
The march of firemen in their own costumes, the play of masculine muscle through clean-setting trowsers and waist-straps,
The slow return from the fire, the pause when the bell strikes suddenly again, and the listening on the alert,
The natural, perfect, varied attitudes—the bent head, the curv’d neck, and the counting;
Such-like I love—I loosen myself, pass freely, am at the mother’s breast with the little child,
Swim with the swimmers, wrestle with wrestlers, march in line with the firemen, and pause, listen, and count.

3

I know a man, a common farmer—the father of five sons;
And in them were the fathers of sons—and in them were the fathers of sons.

This man was of wonderful vigor, calmness, beauty of person;
The shape of his head, the pale yellow and white of his hair and beard, and the immeasurable meaning of his black eyes—the richness and breadth of his manners,
These I used to go and visit him to see—he was wise also;
He was six feet tall, he was over eighty years old—his sons were massive, clean, bearded, tan-faced, handsome;
They and his daughters loved him—all who saw him loved him;
They did not love him by allowance—they loved him with personal love;
He drank water only—the blood show’d like scarlet through the clear-brown skin of his face;
He was a frequent gunner and fisher—he sail’d his boat himself—he had a fine one presented to him by a ship-joiner—he had fowling-pieces, presented to him by men that loved him;
When he went with his five sons and many grand-sons to hunt or fish, you would pick him out as the most beautiful and vigorous of the gang.

You would wish long and long to be with him—you would wish to sit by him in the boat, that you and he might touch each other.

4

I have perceiv’d that to be with those I like is enough,
To stop in company with the rest at evening is enough,
To be surrounded by beautiful, curious, breathing, laughing flesh is enough,
To pass among them, or touch any one, or rest my arm ever so lightly round his or her neck for a moment—what is this, then?
I do not ask any more delight—I swim in it, as in a sea.

There is something in staying close to men and women, and looking on them, and in the contact and odor of them, that pleases the soul well;
All things please the soul—but these please the soul well.

5

This is the female form;
A divine nimbus exhales from it from head to foot;
It attracts with fierce undeniable attraction!
I am drawn by its breath as if I were no more than a helpless vapor—all falls aside but myself and it;
Books, art, religion, time, the visible and solid earth, the atmosphere and the clouds, and what was expected of heaven or fear’d of hell, are now consumed;
Mad filaments, ungovernable shoots play out of it—the response likewise ungovernable;
Hair, bosom, hips, bend of legs, negligent falling hands, all diffused—mine too diffused;
Ebb stung by the flow, and flow stung by the ebb—love-flesh swelling and deliciously aching;
Limitless limpid jets of love hot and enormous, quivering jelly of love, white-blow and delirious juice;
Bridegroom night of love, working surely and softly into the prostrate dawn;
Undulating into the willing and yielding day,
Lost in the cleave of the clasping and sweet-flesh’d day.

This is the nucleus—after the child is born of woman, the man is born of woman;
This is the bath of birth—this is the merge of small and large, and the outlet again.

Be not ashamed, women—your privilege encloses the rest, and is the exit of the rest;
You are the gates of the body, and you are the gates of the soul.

The female contains all qualities, and tempers them—she is in her place, and moves with perfect balance;
She is all things duly veil’d—she is both passive and active;
She is to conceive daughters as well as sons, and sons as well as daughters.

As I see my soul reflected in nature;
As I see through a mist, one with inexpressible completeness and beauty,
See the bent head, and arms folded over the breast—the female I see.

6

The male is not less the soul, nor more—he too is in his place;
He too is all qualities—he is action and power;
The flush of the known universe is in him;
Scorn becomes him well, and appetite and defiance become him well;
The wildest largest passions, bliss that is utmost, sorrow that is utmost, become him well—pride is for him;
The full-spread pride of man is calming and excellent to the soul;
Knowledge becomes him—he likes it always—he brings everything to the test of himself;
Whatever the survey, whatever the sea and the sail, he strikes soundings at last only here;
(Where else does he strike soundings, except here?)

The man’s body is sacred, and the woman’s body is sacred;
No matter who it is, it is sacred;
Is it a slave? Is it one of the dull-faced immigrants just landed on the wharf?
Each belongs here or anywhere, just as much as the well-off—just as much as you;
Each has his or her place in the procession.

(All is a procession;
The universe is a procession, with measured and beautiful motion.)

Do you know so much yourself, that you call the slave or the dull-face ignorant?
Do you suppose you have a right to a good sight, and he or she has no right to a sight?
Do you think matter has cohered together from its diffuse float—and the soil is on the surface, and water runs, and vegetation sprouts,
For you only, and not for him and her?

7

A man’s Body at auction;
I help the auctioneer—the sloven does not half know his business.

Gentlemen, look on this wonder!
Whatever the bids of the bidders, they cannot be high enough for it;
For it the globe lay preparing quintillions of years, without one animal or plant;
For it the revolving cycles truly and steadily roll’d.

In this head the all-baffling brain;
In it and below it, the makings of heroes.

Examine these limbs, red, black, or white—they are so cunning in tendon and nerve;
They shall be stript, that you may see them.

Exquisite senses, life-lit eyes, pluck, volition,
Flakes of breast-muscle, pliant back-bone and neck, flesh not flabby, good-sized arms and legs,
And wonders within there yet.

Within there runs blood,
The same old blood!
The same red-running blood!
There swells and jets a heart—there all passions, desires, reachings, aspirations;
Do you think they are not there because they are not express’d in parlors and lecture-rooms?

This is not only one man—this is the father of those who shall be fathers in their turns;
In him the start of populous states and rich republics;
Of him countless immortal lives, with countless embodiments and enjoyments.

How do you know who shall come from the offspring of his offspring through the centuries?
Who might you find you have come from yourself, if you could trace back through the centuries?

8

A woman’s Body at auction!
She too is not only herself—she is the teeming mother of mothers;
She is the bearer of them that shall grow and be mates to the mothers.

Have you ever loved the Body of a woman?
Have you ever loved the Body of a man?
Your father—where is your father?
Your mother—is she living? have you been much with her? and has she been much with you?
—Do you not see that these are exactly the same to all, in all nations and times, all over the earth?

If any thing is sacred, the human body is sacred,
And the glory and sweet of a man, is the token of manhood untainted;
And in man or woman, a clean, strong, firm-fibred body, is beautiful as the most beautiful face.

Have you seen the fool that corrupted his own live body? or the fool that corrupted her own live body?
For they do not conceal themselves, and cannot conceal themselves.

9

O my Body! I dare not desert the likes of you in other men and women, nor the likes of the parts of you;
I believe the likes of you are to stand or fall with the likes of the Soul, (and that they are the Soul;)
I believe the likes of you shall stand or fall with my poems—and that they are poems,
Man’s, woman’s, child’s, youth’s, wife’s, husband’s, mother’s, father’s, young man’s, young woman’s poems;
Head, neck, hair, ears, drop and tympan of the ears,
Eyes, eye-fringes, iris of the eye, eye-brows, and the waking or sleeping of the lids,
Mouth, tongue, lips, teeth, roof of the mouth, jaws, and the jaw-hinges,
Nose, nostrils of the nose, and the partition,
Cheeks, temples, forehead, chin, throat, back of the neck, neck-slue,
Strong shoulders, manly beard, scapula, hind-shoulders, and the ample side-round of the chest.

Upper-arm, arm-pit, elbow-socket, lower-arm, arm-sinews, arm-bones, 140
Wrist and wrist-joints, hand, palm, knuckles, thumb, fore-finger, finger-balls, finger-joints, finger-nails,
Broad breast-front, curling hair of the breast, breast-bone, breast-side,
Ribs, belly, back-bone, joints of the back-bone,
Hips, hip-sockets, hip-strength, inward and outward round, man-balls, man-root,
Strong set of thighs, well carrying the trunk above,
Leg-fibres, knee, knee-pan, upper-leg, under leg,
Ankles, instep, foot-ball, toes, toe-joints, the heel;
All attitudes, all the shapeliness, all the belongings of my or your body, or of any one’s body, male or female,
The lung-sponges, the stomach-sac, the bowels sweet and clean,
The brain in its folds inside the skull-frame,
Sympathies, heart-valves, palate-valves, sexuality, maternity,
Womanhood, and all that is a woman—and the man that comes from woman,
The womb, the teats, nipples, breast-milk, tears, laughter, weeping, love-looks, love-perturbations and risings,
The voice, articulation, language, whispering, shouting aloud,
Food, drink, pulse, digestion, sweat, sleep, walking, swimming,
Poise on the hips, leaping, reclining, embracing, arm-curving and tightening,
The continual changes of the flex of the mouth, and around the eyes,
The skin, the sun-burnt shade, freckles, hair,
The curious sympathy one feels, when feeling with the hand the naked meat of the body,
The circling rivers, the breath, and breathing it in and out,
The beauty of the waist, and thence of the hips, and thence downward toward the knees,
The thin red jellies within you, or within me—the bones, and the marrow in the bones,
The exquisite realization of health;
O I say, these are not the parts and poems of the Body only, but of the Soul,
O I say now these are the Soul!


******************************************
WELL I THINK YOU'RE A PANSY.
ha-ha.
>: )